Today is my birthday?
I've hidden from most people trying to call me
I feel melancholy
This 20th year of life
if I survive
should be the best
I'll begin with more tattoos
more me
I feel lonely on my 20th birthday, even though my mother is trying her hardest to make me feel excited
She's buzzing around the kitchen pretending to be happy
And I'm trying my hardest not to just cry
A friend of mine once said that she's cried on every birthday she's ever had
It must be like holidays, the same reason I hate Christmas, Thanksgiving, all of the annuals. birthdays.
I hate when people make you feel like you should feel happy
thats fake.
You should feel how you really feel
or else you're disappointed, and a little lonely.
The new Arcade Fire is a little comforting
because they are always sadder than I, at most moments
I'm going to hike my mountain, because I can lay everything down on it
and it will take the burden off my shoulders.
It doesn't mind taking my little tiny thoughts and recycling them into it's massive, solid abyss.
Why does the mind resort back to a once feeling of comfort when it feels sad and lonely?
Why does it remember that one person who comforted you once upon a time, even if that doesn't exist anymore?
Why does it go back?
You know what I want for my birthday?
to pack and move on to the next location.
