My chest hesitates sitting down to write again
It's not that I've lost that girl who wrote the words preceding these
But that she has taken a backseat to the confident and driven woman I am today
Is it arrogant to write about yourself as a changed person? From a year ago
Who cares
I usually do not believe people when they tell me they've changed, and "grown into" this or that
But today I believe that I have
And I do not have time to be self conscious or anxious
My life has come into
Evolved Into
Exactly what I hoped it would in the most turbulent of times
In those times when I was weak and scared and alone
Those which allowed me to speak from this perspective today
She's still in there
She has been politely begging me to let her out
She wants to create with a clear head
She wants to produce art and beauty that express
What lives inside
My art doesn't just live inside, it is a colorful building block in my constitution
It exists as a foundation, and all of these things that seem stable are mere curtains,
Decorations that wear over time
But my art is patient, it is there waiting for me to come back to it, to sit down cross legged on the floor, and catch up with an old girlfriend
That before you know it, you're right back to where you left off
But like the best girlfriend, you don't need to explain yourself, or apologize, or pretend
To the new people that I meet, I find myself asking them for time to be creative
Asking for permission to establish myself as an artist
And maybe I haven't changed, because someone who doesn't care wouldn't ask
Nobody will ever give me the time I need to say/ make what I need
I need to take the time, much like I am right now
When I talk about my new life
And entirely new it is
I feel like I'm bragging
I hear my mother's voice telling me to stop showing off
I hear the way she talks down about what she's been up to
Even the "toned down" version of my story would make my mother nudge my leg from under the table
