That the coast was a sad place for me yesterday
It's not always like that - sad
That a place so infinitely beautiful could let me feel melancholy
and also, me kicking myself - how could you be sad right now?
when its windy and there's no one to hold me
It puts me in a daze,
my mind elsewhere and my gaze nowhere
and I day-dream of who you are, and when you'll come around
When you'll travel to different beaches with me, not confined to one continent
You can keep up, and I can slow down
All that joy observed of people loving and being loved on the sand, in the waves
and I feel so small, and ever-so lonely
The beach always makes me sad in the same ways holidays and family vacations do
I long for a love of my own, someone to be on my level and make this actually enjoyable, instead of supposedly enjoyable
It's probably unrealistic to think that I should be glowing happy every time I see the beach, now that I live there - is this what growing up feels like?
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but this morning was different
I was an amatuer let in on a professional world
I was treated like a local
and i acted like I knew what i was doing
i was let in on this grand thing
a man's fishing world
one where they can be raw, untamed smokers
there they dont have to say anything
there they answer to no one but mother nature
in a sense they are all man
in another sense they are all boy
i saw them in a different light, they let me in on the one thing that gives them great pleasure
oneness with nature and themselves
if only women had the outlet that fishing provides men
if only
I was accepted in, and I ate donuts and drank black coffee with the salty veterans
I was raw
for a minute I forgot about all things womanly that keep you tied into this bodily caller, answering to your aches, pains and primps
being a woman is painful, weighty, and burdensome
but if you can for a minute, leave all of your baggage in one place, and go free
no hair, no makeup, no ovaries - just for two hours at 5 in the morning, barefoot on a dowdy beach
you find yourself raw
painless, present, un-pre-occupied
