Lunatics.

This is the culprit.

This is what makes me stir at night

When it's full, so is my mind, with anxiety dreams 

and emotional emotions.

It always manages to surprise me too.

I need to plan my life around this moon.

When it's full I'll run away

to realize my revelation.

love bums me out.

I'm not sleeping right now, because these worthless thoughts are keeping me up.  For once my apartment is quiet, and now my head is the loud thing keeping me awake.  

I am excited to be a badass  barista.  I can't wait to be a perfectionist and make beautiful coffee and make people happy.  Is that weird?  

Read this book:

... it has nothing to do with will smith, I promise.

but it will change your life.

Why the fuck do I even have a blog? I have nothing good to say somedays.  I keep holding myself back from deleting it for some reason, so maybe it will be of purpose someday.

I can't stop listening today: "Grey Britain" by Gallows

To be worldly.

drinking a green matcha tea,

with spices and agave

watching my beautiful gentleman sleep, he never wakes before 9 or 10 if he has any say.

thinking about what I would rather be doing.
I can't really think about much.

When I was a young girl,  I always dreamed of having an all white bed, soft and clean, and it permanently smelled like laundry detergent.

because that is my favorite smell in the whole wide world.

and now I do I have my bed.

My life is better than my dream.

Do you have to have a picture with the eiffel tower to be a worldly lady?

nope.

birthdays are weird days.

I never know what to expect, mostly I don't expect anything.  

maybe I'm a little bitter about holidays

I just don't like productions.

and most all holidays are fake, production.

During christmas, everyone is so fucking stressed and forced to be traveling, or with family they can't stand, or singing songs that make you sick, or buying presents for everyone and their sister while you can't even pay rent.  Two days after christmas are the most empty days of the year. "Merry Christmas" is like saying "I'm going to go hide, and drink until I can't feel just as soon as grandma opens her cruise to alaska."

Easter, Valentine's day, Fourth of July, Cinco de Mayo, Halloween.

They are all reasons to get drunk, and be gluttonous and regret it.

I want birthdays to be different.  

I want them to be a chance to take a walk naked outside.

Amongst every other naked animal

and thats everyone except for humans.

To admire your new, 19 year old body

outside in the aire.

Why not start out the new year in your life, grounded and ready to turn 20?

And I've probably done it all wrong until now.

I've just been getting drunk for the past 18 years like everyone else.

My Birthdays will be different.

I don't think I'm bitter, just honest.

I also like funny jokes.

and rockin' music.

and whales

and kisses

...So I don't really know anything about tattoos, and I don't consider myself well-versed or a viable critic.  I just really like googling : "Bad tattoos" and having a good laugh.

My favorites are the awful, awful, awful portraits that come up. (That aren't meant to be awful)

I wont put any up here, because I want you to find the magic yourself.

  But there are also some really amazing ones that come up, 

I just like looking at tattoos.

dorky? yes. always.

The Most amazing Tattoo of today:

and..

 and...

OKAY, and a bad one, just for fun:

fuck yeah.

I will be listening to today: "Beggars" by Thrice

In no particular order,

These are the worst tattoos of today:

...So congratulations to them.

Up tonight, its rare i don't sleep.  I am too in love to sleep

I can't stop listening today: Thaïs: Meditation, Caffee Concerto Ensemble

i'm not the kind of girl to use acronyms

FTW is my acronym, and it is much more than that.

It is a song, a lifestyle, a motto, a gospel

I do not use LOL or OMG or even OMFG.

In fact, that is the first time I have ever typed them

They just don't get my point across 

But look at me, yesterday I started a blog. who knows what's next (BTW, GTG..?)

I am the Anne Frank of my time.

I have kept a journal since I read The Diary of Anne Frank.

I am the Anne Frank who is not captured, or confined, or hiding

Anne Frank would probably listen to punk rock and rockabilly if she wasn't hiding from the Nazis.

She would probably dress a lot like me

If she wasn't me, we'd be good friends and we'd write about our lives and how we feel day to day.

Feelings and moments, thats really all we have.

now, I don't really know that,  I just made it up, but it sounds about right.

This blog is going to develop day by day.

In my journal, I never set boundaries.  I can have sloppy handwriting, or I can swear like a sailor or use improper grammar, or write things I don't mean.

That helps me to love writing in my journal, because it doesn't care what I write, and it always lets me write in it.

I have to tell you something about myself.

I am in love

I am in love

I am in love

I am in love with a boy who loves me back and I am happy and content and sure of it.

I never anticipated being in love right now. or ever.

There is a time in everyday where there is something missing, my body tells me I need something.  Its like being thirsty.  I'll try to drink some water maybe eat some chocolate.  that doesn't get rid of the deep-set internal need.  it doesn't quench my thirst so to say.  I realized yesterday that its not dehydration.  It's him that needs to fill my day, to quench my thirst.  And that's when I remember how much it sucks to live far away.

 I am not going to brag about love in my blog.

I will say nothing more about how wonderfullybeautifulperfectawesome it is.

Of course he will come through in some of my writing, but no one cares about my relationship, and I understand that.

I don't think this is just a phase.

My bike-riding, coffee-drinking, drawing, writing singing, drinking, laughing, traveling,running, dancing self

ambition.

My Lust needs company

and not just any

 my lust needs him

and him only.

I make fucking great coffee.

so good, that I am excited to wake up tomorrow

and make amazing coffee

and then drink it.

I'm trying to name a new coffee shop right now in Eugene

I am trying to name it:

VITA BREVA

It's really unlike me to come up with a name for something.

I cringe at the idea of naming a band, too much pressure.

It comes from a latin quote.  

ARS LONGA, VITA BREVA

life is short, art is long

life is short, drink a lot of coffee.

...I'd drink to that.

My favorite friend, Taylor.  My favorite dirty chai.  Stumptown, Seattle, WA.

 I can't stop listening today: The Devil Makes Three.

I'm not the kind of girl to start a blog.

You see, I've been doing a lot of dreaming.

Yes, I'm in the dreaming phase

Tomorrow I'll live a little more than I did today.

My skin is tight and I enjoy that.

I'm not about to wait around for it to sag.

This is dezi.

No more waiting.

Now* is when I play guitar instead of thinking about what my songs will sound like.

Now* is when I get tattoos because I want them, not because everyone thinks i should wait.

Now* is when I pursue my art, because I want to show the world Ars Longa, Vita Breva

Now* is when I love my body forever and ever.

*FTW

I can't stop listening today: "San Francisco" by Lucero