You never really figure it out
You've got your big girl pants on, but you feel like a 6 year old, overwhelmed by the side of the worn ice cream truck, frantically trying to decide between the drumstick and the tweety-bird shaped sugary mess, with the gumball eyeballs.
Anxiety is all encompassing and no matter how many meditation hours you've put in your life, they weren't enough and good luck sleeping at night when the shit just keeps piling.
It's so wonderful to have a gorgeous man sleep in your bed every night, make you coffee in the morning, give you a kiss and a good-luck pat on the hiney to start your day.
It. is. so. wonderful.
He's everything I wanted and more.
He's the well-spoken, effective, charged, accomplished, respected person that I need, and he's every bit as handsome as I visualized.
He's a way bigger dork than I knew, and that just makes me weak in the knees, falling in slow motion to the existence that is ours, for as long as we want.
I wonder when I'll tell him that I love him.
It feels like a sin purging it onto this page before I gain the courage to say it myself to his face.
You know that time today when we were talking about our bucket lists at breakfast?  I wanted to burst out and say that If I died tomorrow, my only regret would be not telling you that I love every minute with you, and I hope we continue to grow together.
fearless, fearless, fearless desiree
I don't know, it's the fear that I'll put my love out there and someday regret it because I'm hurt.   This is new, and I'm still learning to trust you with my heart, and slowly but surely it will be yours and then we'll figure out what to do with eachother's hearts.
I'm so happy and so grateful that you're in my life everyday, and that everyday this gets better.

hopefully you'll still think I'm cute after reading my early morning confessions one day, and that tonight while you were out, I washed the dishes with my music packed into my pink fanny pack and danced and screamed in the kitchen like a freak.  Wish you were there.